Verbatim Vs Verbatim III

Our hero is at the offices of The Honoruable Member of Parliament from Ruhama to have a discussion about the impact of her morality campaign on rates of HIV infection among Christian youth. Our hero owns stock in a condom company. The receptionist gives him a withering once-over and sneers.


  • The nineties just called They want their jeans back.
  • Well, I am not the centrespread from the latest issue of Vogue magazine so I do not care if I don’t impress you with sartorial savoir faire. I am here to see the honourable member. Please alert her to my presence.
  • Are you a disgruntled constituent? Are you one of those clueless and, may I add, vastly irritating bumpkins who travel all the way from the boondocks to ask for sh20k from the MP because they want to buy ferterliser? Why can’t you people learn to be self-sufficient? Buying ferterliser! As if you don' t know where you can get it for free. That is the absolute height.
  • No, I am a political lobbyist, advocate of citizens' rights, a conscientious objector – in fact, why mince words, I am a freedom fighter, and I demand an audience with the peoples’ representative.
  • Talk about objectors…
  • What about objectors?
  • I am an objector myself. I object quite conscientiously to those jeans. Really, I haven’t seen jeans like that since Sonic first foiled Dr Robotnik's evil plans. I would not be surprised if you pulled a sh20 note out of the back pocket.
  • Are we back to that?
  • What time is it in those jeans? It looks like half past hammertime.
  • What do I have to do to get past this abuse and actually achieve some sort of , I don’t know, reception from you as the member’s receptionist?
  • You could start with a trip to Knight’s Polo.
  • Should I give you a bribe? Is that what you want?
  • What will you bribe me with? The aforementioned sh20? Save your money. You will need it when you get to Knights Polo.
And so, what else does one do? Our hero turns heel and finds a boda to take him to Garden City to buy new jeans. This is the price we pay for freedom and democracy.

Comments

Kenyanchick said…
Half past Hammertime?

I swear I don't know why you do this to me. I mean, you know I go online in a public place, and I have some serious street cred to maintain, but still... still you insist on writing stuff like that.
Kenyanchick said…
Oh, and um, in case y'all didn't notice...

Firsties.

Yeah.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
true that, stuff you have to do to get audience with our leaders. naye, what do you want to ask her REALLY? the guy with stock in the condom company is you, right? coz it can't be about one of her daughters.

and you remember Sonic? great show. that tune just wont leave my mind since i read this post.Sonic the hedgehog...,
Quit Maama Janet!
Konka iwe!

Half past Hammertime -- that's like 30 minutes after MC Hammer? Severely old, indeed.

So, you need new jeans. Not friggin' Garden City! Or you're a snob? You've defected from the Party?
Cheri said…
This is hilarious.

Baz, there is a customer in front of me. And u made me burst out loud. U're gonna make me lose my job.

If I do, u're to blame.

Lemme clean the dust off my teeth. Some serious ROTFLMAO.
Cheri said…
Oh, and dude....engabu???? Seriously?

@KC...been refreshing this page like every 5 mins. Can't believe u beat me to it. Y'all!

This mojo is sailed!
Quillonpaper said…
did it have to be ruhama?
Cheri said…
Eii Zack, nice pic!
eddiie said…
Rhama,..Ruhama...i thought she had the shortest shortcut to getting funds..why does she want to pass via shows....
Joshua said…
Baz:


The first Uganda Bloggers Happy Hour will take place on Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 6:30 PM at Mateo's (above Nando's on Kampala Road, K'la). Bring your wit, your feistiness, your eloquence and your humor and meet up with the myriad of voices, minds and opinions that make up the Ugandan blogosphere.

Friends, readers and the blog-curious are welcome, as is anyone willing to debate the faults and merits of Aga Khan or Jay-Z. We hope this happy hour will serve as a springboard from which the Uganda blogging community can trade ideas, stories and opinions and continue to grow. We look forward to seeing you there!

(Out of the Uganda blogger loop? Check out the Global Voices Uganda page or the links to the right.)
Anonymous said…
Wow, I am psched about the happy hour.
Now I get to see all the blogger chicks' smart asses upclose.

Happy hour I am coming!!!!!!!!!
um,the denim junkie would like to inquire about the jeans?
stonewash?
lowcut?
slight flares? do they wrap nicely everywhere?
Kenyanchick said…
A blogger's Happy Hour? Without ME? And Baz is going to take his feistiness?? And I can't come?

You guys suck.
Minty said…
You, Mr Baz, crack me up like a hatching egg.

Back to those jeans. Did they have a cobweb below the fly like MC Hammer's, oba what. I'm lost on Hammertime.
Baz said…
Why do you assume it was me? Me my jeans are all fly.

Minty, if you were not in class during Hammertime, you missed!

Scotchie? Stonewash? That flashback gave me whiplash.

Cheri L, there has got to be more than one condom company in Ug. I swear.

Zack, yes it has to be Ruhama. Who else?

Joshua, looking forward to it. Just keep Papa Wemba on a leash...
lulu said…
haha you, jeaans! i need to get me a pair
how are you
great blog
you're so loony-still-at -it?
keep it up
havent gotten your book thoug as yet hope there are still copies
lu
lulu said…
haha you, jeaans! i need to get me a pair
how are you
great blog
you're so loony-still-at -it?
keep it up
havent gotten your book thoug as yet hope there are still copies
lu
lulu said…
some happy hour,
but i do dread mateo like the jiggers
so baz
do let me know cannot want to miss your feislutiness
Anonymous said…
Am tired of refreshing this page to do a SOKIES thing....

Post already1
Baz said…
You guys, the feistiness was not mine. Joshua, you see what happens when you cut and paste?

If I recall from Jackfruity.blogspot.com and inanafricanminute.blogspot.com, it is Joshua who is fiesty.

I managed to attend the happy hour briefly, (by phone, admittedly, but at least kko). Fiesty Josh and Jackfruity had already left by then.

You wouldn't tell from this that I feel guilty, would you?
Heaven! said…
these things of technology have gone too far.i was hoping to get the info about the happy hour but you were not there.ofcourse you could have taken a boda boda to the place but now i hear you were there via phone.now what will those of KC do?
Anonymous said…
Heaven, I have fallen off two bodas in my life and I am not going to risk a third. I only ride the things at home in Kireka.

Rev aka Kris Kross aka 27th Comrade has one report, though (slanted and skewed) and Jackfruity has a more thorough one. With pictures.

The next one we shall storm it big time.

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