Like a hooker standing by an ATM: Location, location, location!

Kinda cool, sorta sweet and extremely adorable are some of the things that have been said about me by those who have had some degree of acquaintance. I have heard that I am modest, too, which is true.

However, for the next few weeks, I shall be insufferable. Because I have a book to sell. The compilation of Bad Idea, the column I write for a local weekly, was released from the printers today and now, I must release it upon the public.

I want the public to release money upon me in return, so I have to convince them that this book is not crap and is worth buying.

Which means I must blow the brass soul the hell out of my own horn, to the detriment, naturally, of my legendary modesty. I shall be mentioning it at regular intervals and if you want me to shut up, buy the book.

Now, in the words of the great poet Eminem, Let’s get down to business…


First off, Ani Akumanyi?: A Delightful story about Chameleone and his brush with reality.


Highlights of the last Project Fame show included Nakaya not being evicted, Melton (a.k.a. Rocka Milla a.k.a Ibaale) being kicked the hell out (Dammit! Get out! You're embarrassing everybody!) and finally, Francis getting a roasting from judge Ian Boogwah.

Or rather, the highlight is what happened after Francis got a roasting from judge Ian Boogwah. What happened, for those with lives, was that Boogwah maintained the misguided idea that if he behaves like a mix of the worst parts of Simon Cowell and Mo'nique from Phat Girlz we will admire him. So he continued to halitote trigger-finger nastiness while wobbling his head as if he had a large hairweave and bamboo earrings. And chewing gum.

I mean no disrespect to the gay community when I say this—in fact I am sure that even members of that community who saw him on Sunday said it -- "That is some faggot-ass shit.”

The highlight is coming.

So Ian, as if we have forgotten that Copy Cat commercial, as if we take him seriously, said some lame nonsense about Francis.

This is the highlight. The look Francis gave him. Right there.

I swear, I thought dude was going to give the well-pomaded hostess the mic and say, “Hold this for me. I’ll be right back.” I was sure he was going to leap for a guy’s neck. But he didn't whip out a can of justifiable whoopass, he just levelled a look at Boogwah a look that said as clear as the most plain English (or sheng. He’s Kenyan) that “You and me after school. You and me.”
That’s Gangsta.

And now, proof that I am not the only one watching this show after all…

Finally, to flog a dying horse:

George Sabadu Hornsleth is grateful for the pig he got. "I never had a pig, I
was jobless apart from some land," the 46 year-old said. "Africans adopting
European names for gifts -- that's nothing new. We've been doing that since
colonial times. Why do you think I'm called George?"

I should mention, for those in the cheap seats... that James Nsaba Buturo, the guardian of a nation’s morals, is currently fighting his way through the second major financial
controversy of his career.