Like a hooker standing by an ATM: Location, location, location!

Kinda cool, sorta sweet and extremely adorable are some of the things that have been said about me by those who have had some degree of acquaintance. I have heard that I am modest, too, which is true.

However, for the next few weeks, I shall be insufferable. Because I have a book to sell. The compilation of Bad Idea, the column I write for a local weekly, was released from the printers today and now, I must release it upon the public.

I want the public to release money upon me in return, so I have to convince them that this book is not crap and is worth buying.

Which means I must blow the brass soul the hell out of my own horn, to the detriment, naturally, of my legendary modesty. I shall be mentioning it at regular intervals and if you want me to shut up, buy the book.

Now, in the words of the great poet Eminem, Let’s get down to business


First off, Ani Akumanyi?: A Delightful story about Chameleone and his brush with reality.


Highlights of the last Project Fame show included Nakaya not being evicted, Melton (a.k.a. Rocka Milla a.k.a Ibaale) being kicked the hell out (Dammit! Get out! You're embarrassing everybody!) and finally, Francis getting a roasting from judge Ian Boogwah.

Or rather, the highlight is what happened after Francis got a roasting from judge Ian Boogwah. What happened, for those with lives, was that Boogwah maintained the misguided idea that if he behaves like a mix of the worst parts of Simon Cowell and Mo'nique from Phat Girlz we will admire him. So he continued to halitote trigger-finger nastiness while wobbling his head as if he had a large hairweave and bamboo earrings. And chewing gum.

I mean no disrespect to the gay community when I say this—in fact I am sure that even members of that community who saw him on Sunday said it -- "That is some faggot-ass shit.”

The highlight is coming.

So Ian, as if we have forgotten that Copy Cat commercial, as if we take him seriously, said some lame nonsense about Francis.

This is the highlight. The look Francis gave him. Right there.

I swear, I thought dude was going to give the well-pomaded hostess the mic and say, “Hold this for me. I’ll be right back.” I was sure he was going to leap for a guy’s neck. But he didn't whip out a can of justifiable whoopass, he just levelled a look at Boogwah a look that said as clear as the most plain English (or sheng. He’s Kenyan) that “You and me after school. You and me.”
That’s Gangsta.

And now, proof that I am not the only one watching this show after all…

Finally, to flog a dying horse:

George Sabadu Hornsleth is grateful for the pig he got. "I never had a pig, I
was jobless apart from some land," the 46 year-old said. "Africans adopting
European names for gifts -- that's nothing new. We've been doing that since
colonial times. Why do you think I'm called George?"


I should mention, for those in the cheap seats... that James Nsaba Buturo, the guardian of a nation’s morals, is currently fighting his way through the second major financial
controversy of his career.

Comments

Savage said…
That Nsaba 20 Million dude gives me the creeps. He is stuck in 1962.
Saadiq said…
damn that Buturo guy..oyo guyii alidee cente za lediyo,akya nonya emigoo!!!kati how can i get my hands on that book,amazon.com?
bikozulu said…
You are spot-on about Boogwah, and on Francis's withering stare. But dude you cross the line on Melton, dude had cool leather pants,cool swagger and he cracked our ribs dry with his corny Elvis moves.I didn't dig his pal though,the one who couldn't speak a word of English.Project fame will never be the same again.
Iwaya said…
this Hornsleth thing is going a bit far with you, ain't it?
Darlkom said…
I have read it, you jealous?
Baz said…
Iwaya, the Hornsleth thing is bigger than pigs. It is about freedom, citizen's rights, democracy, religious tyranny, abuse of office, and the fact that this government does not respect its people, does not know where its job ends, does not understand that we have a %^$%& constitution. This is how it starts. Next thing they are coming for the Jews.
Baz said…
Oh, and Josh, email me and we organise something.

And since I am not through with my Nsaba rants, Mr Magoola is right (Mr Magoo. I just got that.) That guy is stuck in some sixties soviet taliban monarchist nonsense.
Christina said…
Its a real shame about Nsaba...

so where do we find the book?
Cheri said…
the book, the book!!!

U must really think crap of Nsaba! Join the club!

Catchy title.
Quillonpaper said…
I think this is a first here for us Baz, I'm with you 100% on what the Hornsleth thing is really about! Ya'll should take a good look at those ID-card thingies... how low poverty can make us bend!
Baz said…
Last word on Nsaba: "I thought dude's remark was rude, okay? But there's much bigger issues in the world, I know."

It's from the new Jay-Z song. I'll find a way of putting it up if Bootleg Nate doesn't beat me to it. Cherie, you haven't got that yet, have you?

As for the booklet, I just took the first batch to Aristoc today. If this office doesn't kill me I shall find a way of making a post tomorrow.

But I am really feeling that new Jigga song. Chris Rock Youtube

Caveat to Zack and Xtina: It's Chris Rock. Bit of blue language.
Savage said…
Baz check this out http://www.slate.com/id/2153601/?nav=ais

I usually get scoops about leaks from http://idolator.com
Minty said…
Baz, you stole my thunder on Rockamilley. You get gold for finding out his 'Ibaale' native name. This Melton Cephas nonsense I couldn't handle.
Rae said…
I will buy the book, provided the model is different from the one on the blog!
Anonymous said…
Bad idea is a Trendsetter,Infectious too. I will do with a copy
Anonymous said…
Th ministry of ethics and.... blah blah! Some 16 year old female once remarked that this country is not our home.

The bible or is it xtian hymn starts as such. Yeah, this country is not our home.

Horsnet??//. That man is brilliant. First you may not pronounce the name. 2. Guess you know not, least comprehend it.

That's it. Opening your eyes to folly we have in names. Read this. Your first name....., your sirname.....

Gosh. How can my first name be Hors... And my sirname aint my first name, you get the drift.

Now, the NBF, yes, he too carries a horst...; denies his ilks the chance to tour Denmark, and a mark on their lives.

Baz, most importantly, Horst... is highlighting the gleeful contempt to which have been held by yes;;;; THE WEST.

They carry our names blah...

This cannot end here, can it?

As for the book baz, Just tell us precisely. This book point; that price. Then check the bank balance.
Klara said…
That headline is hilarious:"Like a hooker standin by an ATM" am still laughing.....
And that pix u are using is nice, I like kid's photos..............
modoathii said…
dude, first timer i be and i'm glad i visited. now about your book, i'll be in ug sometime in december, can i get a copy ama it'll be sold out by the time i get there? boogwah is full of horse crap...
Baz said…
Ariaka, the contemptible thing about the minister isn't that he lies, it is that he lies with no imagination.

Klara, thank you. At last someone has said something nice about my son's picture.

Minty, I am sure you will get your thunder back in no time.

Incidentally Melvis (as a friend called him) was here in the Vision offices the other week. In leather pants, leather jacket, wet look, fat shades and accent. Look at him!

Modoathii, welcome to Ug sometime in December.

Oh, and the books are at Aristoc Booklex now. I am going to take a batch to Uchumi this afternoon. If it doesn't rain..
Saadiq said…
wait a coping pickin minute...Baz ur a father!!!already!!!
Realiable intel has it that a one Donald Semambo wants to give Nsaba Buturo has full lashing whilst administering kisa kyamuzadde in small drops down his mouth,all those who are in favour of this say AY!!!!

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