By Ernest Hornsleth Bazanye
Kristian Von Hornsleth is a crazy man. Most “modern” artists are. They are crackpots who feed monkeys paint mixed with laxatives and then, after the primates have vomited onto a wide canvas, the artists come to believe that the result is worth admiration, respect and money.
There is this thing called the Turner Prize which every year recognizes the most batshit assault British idlers can effect on the intelligence. I shall ask My Lovely Assistant Dave to tell you about the turner prize.
The point is modern artists are raving loons.
Which should mean Hornsleth is a great artist because this guy is gibberingly, blitheringly, blindingly bonkers. He is gobsmackingly nuts. His screws are not engaged tightly enough in their allotted sockets. I doubt that he has screws at all. The bits of machinery are not connected the way they should be and, instead of staying firm, they float aimlessly through the chaotic void in his skull with an angry cluttering noise. Hornsleth makes mad people look like Madeline Albright.
All this is evident from his paintings.
Although, you have to admit. Some of this stuff is rather clever and thought-provoking. Like Don’t Be Scared, Just Be White… makes you think.
Now, the part where I explain what the hell any of this has to do with you.
Kristian Von Hornsleth had an idea (if you can call a random piece of jagged-edged mental debris spinning randomly and crashing into another random piece of jagged-edged mental debris and setting off sparks an “idea”) for a vast art project. If you clicked the Dave Barry link, you will know that art these days is not just about paintings. It is also about pretty much whatever. I had Katogo for breakfast this morning at the office cafeteria. That is a work of art I call “Eating Katogo.” Genius.
Hornsleth decided to find a Ugandan village and get all the natives to add the name of Hornsleth to their legal names. That is the Hornsleth Village Project. In exchange for their trouble, they get a pig or a goat. Hornsleth will take the pictures and film a documentary as a “an artistic work which deals with identity and the perception of identity. The identity of the artist and his artistic perception of his world is working with the identity of people from Uganda with their own perception of their individuality and with their perception of their world.” (says Wolf-Günter Thiel, a Berlin art historian.
Or something.
I don’t see a problem. A small, painless, ultimately useless legal procedure is a small price to pay for the enhancement of one’s livelihood. I would do it. Not for a pig, of course. Perhaps for a Nokia 6230i. I am not a fancyphoneophile, but I would like to be able to surf blogs from my phone, and my current 6220 cannot get Minty and Kenyanchick. For a free 6230i I would change my name to LaShaniqua. Ernest S. S. F. L. Bazanye. You see, I already have legal names I don’t use.
No problem, right?
Ooops.
This is James Nsaba Buturo. He is the Minister of Ethics and Integrity. Such a mealy-mouthed title obviously brings some confusion as to what exactly his job is supposed to be, but Jimmy made a decision. He decided that the nation is a nursery school and he is the nanny. Nsaba Buturo does not know that we are fucking adults and that we don’t need his nosey ass running our lives.
He has halted the project because he found out that Hornsleth is gay and is not a Christian. 180 broke people are going to grass free pigs because the guy distributing them is not Mother Theresa.
I have no idea where to start getting mad at this guy: If a grown man decides to make a deal with a gay nutcase for a free pig, how does this become any of Nsaba’s business?
It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NSABA! GO AWAY! GO HOME! GET A REAL JOB!
Secondly, what is he saying? That homosexual people should not help the poor in Uganda? The World Bank, IMF, USAID, UN etc—yeah. Since these organisations do not screen employees for sexual orientation, I am sure there are no homosexuals signing checks that end up paying Uganda government wages.
If you want to do something about name-changing homosexuals whose names are carried by Ugandans, ban all those Sean John shirts.
There is this thing called the Turner Prize which every year recognizes the most batshit assault British idlers can effect on the intelligence. I shall ask My Lovely Assistant Dave to tell you about the turner prize.
The point is modern artists are raving loons.
Which should mean Hornsleth is a great artist because this guy is gibberingly, blitheringly, blindingly bonkers. He is gobsmackingly nuts. His screws are not engaged tightly enough in their allotted sockets. I doubt that he has screws at all. The bits of machinery are not connected the way they should be and, instead of staying firm, they float aimlessly through the chaotic void in his skull with an angry cluttering noise. Hornsleth makes mad people look like Madeline Albright.
All this is evident from his paintings.
Although, you have to admit. Some of this stuff is rather clever and thought-provoking. Like Don’t Be Scared, Just Be White… makes you think.
Now, the part where I explain what the hell any of this has to do with you.
Kristian Von Hornsleth had an idea (if you can call a random piece of jagged-edged mental debris spinning randomly and crashing into another random piece of jagged-edged mental debris and setting off sparks an “idea”) for a vast art project. If you clicked the Dave Barry link, you will know that art these days is not just about paintings. It is also about pretty much whatever. I had Katogo for breakfast this morning at the office cafeteria. That is a work of art I call “Eating Katogo.” Genius.
Hornsleth decided to find a Ugandan village and get all the natives to add the name of Hornsleth to their legal names. That is the Hornsleth Village Project. In exchange for their trouble, they get a pig or a goat. Hornsleth will take the pictures and film a documentary as a “an artistic work which deals with identity and the perception of identity. The identity of the artist and his artistic perception of his world is working with the identity of people from Uganda with their own perception of their individuality and with their perception of their world.” (says Wolf-Günter Thiel, a Berlin art historian.
Or something.
I don’t see a problem. A small, painless, ultimately useless legal procedure is a small price to pay for the enhancement of one’s livelihood. I would do it. Not for a pig, of course. Perhaps for a Nokia 6230i. I am not a fancyphoneophile, but I would like to be able to surf blogs from my phone, and my current 6220 cannot get Minty and Kenyanchick. For a free 6230i I would change my name to LaShaniqua. Ernest S. S. F. L. Bazanye. You see, I already have legal names I don’t use.
No problem, right?
Ooops.
This is James Nsaba Buturo. He is the Minister of Ethics and Integrity. Such a mealy-mouthed title obviously brings some confusion as to what exactly his job is supposed to be, but Jimmy made a decision. He decided that the nation is a nursery school and he is the nanny. Nsaba Buturo does not know that we are fucking adults and that we don’t need his nosey ass running our lives.
He has halted the project because he found out that Hornsleth is gay and is not a Christian. 180 broke people are going to grass free pigs because the guy distributing them is not Mother Theresa.
I have no idea where to start getting mad at this guy: If a grown man decides to make a deal with a gay nutcase for a free pig, how does this become any of Nsaba’s business?
It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NSABA! GO AWAY! GO HOME! GET A REAL JOB!
Secondly, what is he saying? That homosexual people should not help the poor in Uganda? The World Bank, IMF, USAID, UN etc—yeah. Since these organisations do not screen employees for sexual orientation, I am sure there are no homosexuals signing checks that end up paying Uganda government wages.
If you want to do something about name-changing homosexuals whose names are carried by Ugandans, ban all those Sean John shirts.
Comments
Baz, my ribs are undergoing serious torture here. And all this pain, b4 I read the post!!!!
Can rib transplants be done?
Shudder!
I have a similar phone... does mango do such things of surfing??? can u comment on blogs from yo phone? Can u yahoo messenge from yo Nokia 6230i?
How much does it cost to do all that???
Gona get me an MTN simcard on spot!
Maybe Nsaba had a point.
P.S: I must hold the record for most successive comments now! So sorry
And yes, those are single quotes.
Go back to work Mr Baz. Oh, but I guess you are doing more work than 'Jimmy' Lol.
And Nsaba has NEVER had a point in his life. You pay TV tax if you want.
And yes, Degstar, I am loaded with Springsteen material right now. If this computer was not so slow you would have mail in a second.
@KC, I am old school. We call him Puffy. Not even Puff Daddy. Well, sometimes Pouff Daddy. We are not mature.
@Dee, just for you I am going to find a picture. Watch this space.
Hornsleth's method of "charity" is rather shady. if anyone really wanted to help pple - and i mean REALLY wanted to help. they wdnt ask for anything in return. but this whole name-changing b'ness dont smell right.
my 2 cents
we want to help you, but we want to own you
cue demonic laugh
That’s not the problem: Nsaba is a silly man. He has lots of silly opinions. The problem is that he has managed to use government power to effect this opinion, in the process violating all sorts of freedoms and rights, and he has done this in a way that shows galling lack of respect for the citizens of this country. Why is it that we can trust the people of Mukono to raise families, to vote, to own and manage land and business, but we think we need to jump in and vet who they make deals with? Like we have to come in to make sure they don’t play with dirty boys?
There must be some things you do that would make me say, “That is not the way a life should be run.” Maybe you drink heavily on weekends. Maybe you have a flashy phone and expensive sneakers. Maybe you buy the Red Pepper.
These are things I don’t believe in. And there we see the difference between dictatorship and democracy. If I was in government I could soapbox about temperance and moderation, but I should not have the power to confiscate your pair of fly Air Force Ones and your Nseries. It’s your life.
And should you decide to change your name for whatever reason, you certainly should not have to get Nsaba’s permission. You may have to go through a process to avoid confusion when it comes to legal documents like voter registration, bank loans, land deeds, passports etc, but you do NOT NEED PERMISSION.
That’s how Freedom works.
Every dictatorship thinks it is doing what is best for the people, and Nsabas in democracies often view human rights as a nuisance to their benevolent wiser-than-thou designs, but we should all appreciate that the obvious choice. Democracies have homos and Satanists. Dictatorships have concentration camps, gulags and kangaroo courts. Which would you rather live in?
Say Religion. eg. Christianity. As a Christian, I live by the Book, even when I dont understand some rules or teachings, they're not to be questioned. Meaning Christianity & Religion at large, is a Dictatorship.
Try politics. People can democratically say they elected a leader. But that leader's decisions henceforth are not necessarily democratic decisions unless of cos backed by a referendum of sorts. They're his opinions, which are shared by his government & passed on the assumption that by democratically electing him, the people agree with that call he makes. So, in this case, electing Museveni sorta means endorsing Buturo.
But that's besides the point. Point here is, Freedom & Democracy are illusions. While many like to believe they're free, the facts dont lie.
After accepting the inevitable truth, that people, or someone somewhere already IS making choices for u with or without ur knowledge - comes understanding. (I cd name so many instances of this - the type of groceries u buy, why u have only one type of margarine, why you have only 3 phone networks to chose from etc...)
In the end, what Buturo says is only a reflection of what is already happening around u. Only his utterances are out there. So instead of crying foul, I try to see if there really is something to be worried about, and try to ignore the fact that he's trying to make a decision for me (or the pple of Mukono) - and there's nothing much I can do about it.
...but that's just me
wolf guenter thiel