Hello, Mr Nice Guy

I have two kittens at home: Little Rainbow and Baby Sunshine. I dyed their fur pink and braided little pigtails into it so that I can dress them up with pretty ribbons. Every night I feed them supper of chocolate éclairs and strawberry-flavoured milk and then I sing them a lullaby—usually a karaoke version of something by Celine Dion or Barbara Streisand. Then I bundle them up in their lace pyjamas and give each one a little kissy-wissy on her nosey-wosey and I tell her “Daddy loves you.”

Then I shoot 300milligrams of valium up their jugulars. 'Cos I don’t want the little shits making noise for me at night when I am training Cerberus.

Comments

Kenyanchick said…
Let me see: kittens called "Little Rainbow" and "Baby Sunshine" (what, no "Snowflake?")

You almost had me for a while there. Till I got to the Celine Dion/Barbra Streisand karaoke lullabys. No pet lover would ever be that abusive.
4:48 PM, September 04, 2006
Minty said…
Right on Kenyanchick. Plus, baz, we know you have a thing for Celine Dione - you specially dislike her music.

Now, do you have Medusa in your backyard too?
5:18 PM, September 04, 2006
ish said…
strawberry-flavored milk?? yech! that ish is almost as bad as u singing 'em dion and streisand!
7:11 PM, September 04, 2006
lissingmink said…
you sure you get the right vein when loading the valium- you must be hogging most of the dosage hehehe
8:11 PM, September 04, 2006
~ScotchBiscuits~ said…
you know this makes me think about Hannibal. nice nice nice guy, good cook,gentleman and all. also is serial killer on the side.
is my phobia for overwhelming niceys justified?
3:55 PM, September 05, 2006
Kenyanchick said…
Careful there, Scotchbiscuits. Baz might have to give you a kissy-wissy on your nosey-wosey.

We simply can't let that happen.
4:01 PM, September 05, 2006
Iwaya said…
I'm keeping count here. Kenyanchick's for the cats, Countryboyi's not for the cats, I'm for cats, Ernest's definitely not for the cats...who else?
5:08 PM, September 05, 2006
Anonymous said…
if you ask me, most animals are really cool until they get teeth...kinda like babies...go on, ask me.
12:29 AM, September 06, 2006
Jay said…
Dyeed their fur pink? Hmmmm. what shall we do about you considering there are harddly any shrinks in this country.
1:20 PM, September 06, 2006
modoathii said…
mambo na mapaka ni story najua sana...kutoka ile siku nilitupa moja kutoka fourth floor...karibu i-die. lakini sasa napenda mapaka sana. kutoka ile day paka ya jirani ilinichapia doggy ya jirani mwingine. nili-enjoy mbaya.
6:19 PM, September 15, 2006
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