Dial M for Murder

I got the number and email address of a man who knows a man who knows how to deal with people who need dealing with. His name is Black Captain, and his business is situated in Kisenyi.

You can bet your sweet ass I am not going to any Kisenyi. Not when, thanks to the great strides in development made by this nation since the introduction of mobile telephony, I can just contract a hired killer from the comfort of my home.

EB: Hello, could I speak to Black Captain, please? I'm trying to get in touch with Black Captain.

Other End: This is Black Captain, Assassinations, treachery and bootleg CDs. How can I be of service?

EB: I wish to have a work colleague of mine "offed" in a discreet and non-odorous manner. He smells bad enough alive.

Black Captain: "Offed" is such an archaic and outdated term sir. It implies that we have something to hide...

EB: We do have something to hide. The remains.

Black Captain: Well, Modern Assassins and Contract Killers guild prefers the more new-millennium politically correct term.

EB: Sigh. And what would that be?

Black Captain: "Murdered", sir.

EB: Kale nno.