Verbatim Vs Verbatim II
Our hero recruits a dog to help him keep the neighbourhood children from playing on his verandah and making a mess of it.
- So what's your name? What should I call you?
- Well, usually, the owner decides what name to give the dog, so I guess it’s up to you.
- Should I call you Snoop Dogg, or Lil Bow Wow?
- I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything, Baz, but I would much rather you came up with something a bit more imaginative. If I say my master just turned on Hot 100 FM and an instant later I was christened the other dogs in the neighbourhood might not treat me with respect, you see.
- I get your point.
- It’s like if your parents had decided to name you Baby Boy, or Little One.
- I said I get your point.
- Or Oddly-Shaped Head...
- I said I get the point. I will call you David Spade. He is an actor who plays characters with a lot of lugezigezi. Now, let me debrief you on your station.
- You mean my job as a dog? You don't need to bother. As with all animals, I have inbred instincts that ensure I know by intuition, and without any tutelage at all, what I am supposed to do.
- So you know what is expected of you?
- Perfectly. I am to scratch myself, make toilet in the yard, sleep all day and spend the nights awake howling at everything that moves, and some things that don't.
- You forgot one thing.
- Yes. I am also to accept food from you at regular intervals.
- No, the thing you forgot is that you are also supposed to prevent the neighbourhood vermin from getting on my verandah and making it untidy.
- So I am supposed to be a guard dog?
- That's right.
- Cool! So when anyone comes close to the verandah, I leap upon them and viciously maul and mangle them! Grr grrr! I grip their throats in my mighty jaws and crush their neckbones! Grrrr grrr!
- Um, I think that will be a bit on the drastic side of things. A simple bark or two to admonish would-be intruders will suffice. I mean, we are speaking here mostly of three year old children. She irritates me greatly, but not so much that I would want to see her mauled and mangled in the way you so gruesomely described.
- Oh, a little girl. Okay, then, well, I was just joking about all the mangling stuff, Baz. Hah hah. Of course I wasn't going to kill anybody. Hah hah!
- That's a relief to hear.
- I'll just bite a leg off, that's it. Just a leg.
- No, that will be cruelty to children. It is not acceptable. Not even in the case of an obnoxious brat like Lizzie.
- Okay. You drive a hard bargain. Fine. Two toes. That's my final offer.
Too late. Our hero walks off, leaving the dog behind, greatly upset at how much time he has wasted.
Comments
I mean, frig, you only have to look your attackers in the eye (3 years old or 300 years old), and they'll beat it.
Like being ugly has no positives?
Mine might be available soon, due to her botched murder attempt on my person earlier this week.
I'll keep you posted.
How can little Lizzie torment a whole u?
And that David Spade is gonna join Lazy Bitch and her troupe soon.
Then u wont sleep at all.
Iwaya, if you had to pick sides, I would have thought you would be on mine.
Joshi, James Bond is a wuss, Jack Bauer has retired. The world needs you, man.
@Zack, era ddala.
@rev, you are just asking for it. You just be there just just asking for it.
@KC, cat tries to murder you, so you send her to me? Have I no friends?
@Mon Cherie, tormenting a whole me? Me I am a ka-harmless little wimp. It isn't hard to torment me.
Rev, don't test me on the wimp thing. I might be joking. Watch your back, son.
Scotchbiscuits, in my experience that causes more problems than it solves. Oh, it wasn't my poop. Landlady had goats. Long story.
Mr Magoo, why on earth would I want to contribute to that community? That community can contribute to kissing my, excuse me, ass.
LA, are you Lizzie's uncle? I suspect you. Would you just betray me otherwise? You and Iwaya.
Minty, this is not the one. This one looked too Sean John. He was wearing cologne.
U're single, right?
Although the obsession with slightly unstable dogs....