Where have I been? I’ve been in Congo

After extended exile in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where there is no internet, I returned to the office to face the consequences of my rash actions. It had been plaguing me and haunting me so. I was also irritated by the fact that I could not do a simple thing like hire a contract assassin without destabilising my sleep patterns. Ambition should be made of sterner stuff, as Tupac once said.

Wherein the joke is that the quote is actually from Shakespeare. Tupac said “Load up the clips and open fire”.

There I was battling with my conscience, then this was exacerbated by a feeling of self-loathing, hating myself for being so weak. Solome didn’t help things when I told her. (Don’t worry, I didn’t give her any details. Wouldn’t want the facts of my deal with Black Captain broadcast to the entire salon). I just explained that I was having pangs of conscience. Severe ones. They were interfering with my eating.
She said, “That’s because you are a sweet kind of guy.”
What the f.. Sweet? Excuse me, did I or did I not contract an assassin?

Then the third emotion came in. Fear. I had not heard from Sidney for two weeks. I had not heard from Black Captain in two weeks. Not that I expected to hear from either of them, because one was supposed to be lying in a hole somewhere smelling his last odour, and the other was supposed to have severed all contact and moved on to his next job. But at least he could have sent some sort of a note: “Mission Accomplished” sort of thing.
I was sure that he was actually in custody somewhere spilling the beans. I was sure that at any moment there would be jackboots at my door followed by guns in my face and warrants shoved down my pants. Probably when I am at home peacefully watching Straka.
So I did the wise thing. The same thing you would do in this situation. I fled.