Rockin' wit' da best
I was in the office listening to The Game and 50 Cent’s song “This Is How We Do” (It is not exactly sophisticated artwork, you know. These two gentlemen are in fact severely challenged. Uughn.) when my personal assistant brought in a parcel. It was from Black Captain. As promised, he had sent me his brochure. He had asked me to call him once I received it, so I got on the phone.
“Quite a range of services you have here,” I said, genuinely impressed.
“Yes, that is why my company is the industry leader. You will have noticed the various packages we offer? Which takes your fancy?”
I thought it over before I answered. “Not that I am cheap or anything, but I really do not hate Sidney, and I don’t think it makes financial sense to spend a whole lot of money having a person offed when I don’t even care that much. So I am looking at the Economy package with interest.”
Black Captain urged me to reconsider. “If you are certain you don’t want to be caught, then that is not the best option. It involves our operative merely finding the victim wherever and kigafla and hacking his head off with the nearest sharp instrument. There is a mess, blood all over the place, and, more often than not, witnesses, not to mention the curses of the dying. If you place any value on discretion, elegance, style and neatness, perhaps you should look at page 89: The Deluxe Platinum package.”
I looked at page 89, the Deluxe Platinum package. It was very pricey, but the word “discretion” was written in large red letters above the photos of the models acting out the murder.
“How discreet is this going to be exactly?” I asked Black Captain.
“So discreet, that even Sidney won’t know there was a murder until it is far too late to do anything about it.”
So I am off to my ATM.
“Quite a range of services you have here,” I said, genuinely impressed.
“Yes, that is why my company is the industry leader. You will have noticed the various packages we offer? Which takes your fancy?”
I thought it over before I answered. “Not that I am cheap or anything, but I really do not hate Sidney, and I don’t think it makes financial sense to spend a whole lot of money having a person offed when I don’t even care that much. So I am looking at the Economy package with interest.”
Black Captain urged me to reconsider. “If you are certain you don’t want to be caught, then that is not the best option. It involves our operative merely finding the victim wherever and kigafla and hacking his head off with the nearest sharp instrument. There is a mess, blood all over the place, and, more often than not, witnesses, not to mention the curses of the dying. If you place any value on discretion, elegance, style and neatness, perhaps you should look at page 89: The Deluxe Platinum package.”
I looked at page 89, the Deluxe Platinum package. It was very pricey, but the word “discretion” was written in large red letters above the photos of the models acting out the murder.
“How discreet is this going to be exactly?” I asked Black Captain.
“So discreet, that even Sidney won’t know there was a murder until it is far too late to do anything about it.”
So I am off to my ATM.
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